To read the first part of this Survival series, you may want to start here. Honestly, I’m not sure how long or frazzled this topic will get.
A Survival mode of sorts. and my sweet baby boys world has come to a crashing hault. and
my our world is being shaken.
It is effecting me as a mother, him as a father, and our youngest is losing his place of exisitance all to often. All to often our every ounce of energy is being consumed by his big brother. Whether it’s because we are stratigically walking the mine field in order to prevent a blow, or if we are taming the flames after an emotional explosion. He loses placement, and I can tell it’s beginnging to affect him, and I’m not quite sure how to fix it.
So, now that we aren’t pretending that it will go away on it’s own. I’m not pretending that God will magically heal him, although I know He can and truly believe He will. I know that we can’t do this alone. We need help! It’s hard, seeking help, receiving help.
His room was stripped of everything aside from a bed, a dresser, clothing, and a t.v for movies. His privelages removed from his reach. No phone, friends, internet, or such. The first day of this was extremely rough for him. He was angry, and obscene, and plain ole emotionally spent. He screamed at us, cursed us, threatened to take his life, and beyond.
And then he has a good day, and that sweet, platinum hearted boy that’s trapped inside emerges. Even just for a while, and you begin to forget. Forget about the battle that your really fighting.
But truth is:
I am exhausted. Emotinally. Physically. Spiritually. exhausted!
We are basically keeping him under direct superision of parents only. Since he doesn’t sleep much at night, we aren’t either. We have pretty much been taking shifts in order to keep him under direct supervision. And when I’m not sure my eyes will withstand any longer, I place myself into a space on the hallway floor just outside his door.
We are no longer allowing him to deny couseling and help. We are becoming more strict, (I think) yet still trying to love him and enjoy him during the moments he allows.
He’s quiet, and well behaved if left unprovoked. I let him sleep later than I should because it’s my only rest.My only quiet. My only small piece of sanity. and As the evening falls he becomes more intense. Even when well behaved, he becomes more active. He has to be constantly making a noise, drumming on furniture, stomping instead of walking, noises with his mouth. and by the end of the day, I’m tired and don’t have alot of patience for it. It’s almost refreshing though, to see THIS type of behavior. You see, our 19 yr old who also struggles with ADHD went through a very similar (evening time) phase when he was this age, and for 2 years we went through doctors, and sleep studies, and neuro psych exams….only to be told he has “idiopathic hypersomnia” ….translation: “it’s any idiots guess why your son is so hyper at night” I mean really, that kid reminded us of a toddler on a sugar high!! and Baely all to often reminds me of him then. And in a strange sort of way, I find a tad bit of comfort in it. Because although our oldest, even at 19 has a serious lack of filter for making good judgements, he’s an all around good kid. laid back, yet funny….
So, I will continue in my Survival mode, but not continue to bore you with it…..(until next time!)