I can’t even begin to write words of wisdom and reflections from Christmas, I don’t have a top 10 posts post, or an end of the year post, but perhaps; this may be my One Word for 2013 post.
My word today: Survival
It’s obserd to even think that one single word will sustain me for the entire year, I know because I think I tried that last year. My one word was Joy, whether I blogged about it or not…it’s been my word. It’s been a good word, as a matter a fact, It’s been such a good word, I’m going to carry it over into this coming year. Why? Because Every. Single. Day. I have to make a concience decision.
A decision to choose Joy!
but this post really isn’t about my one word for the 2013 year, or my failed 2012 goals, or any of the sorts. It’s about survival mode. This topic is messy, I know this. People may think ill of me for posting such personal family things. But it’s real, it’s who we are. and dear God, if I can help just ONE mom, just ONE dad…If our story can help just ONE soul to know they aren’t alone; then it’s all been worth the exposure. (in the coming year, I will probably be a whole lot more real)
A survival mode that only a mother (possibly a father too) feels when their childs life is in danger. In my honest, purest thinking…our son has a life threatening disease. And as parents, we must fight for his survival.
No, he doesn’t have cancer, or a failing organ, or some rare genetic disorder…..
My baby boy suffers from depression, and through that he has fallen into a drug addiction.
“but it’s “Just” marijuana. It’s “Just” a plant, an herb, it’s even legal for many”.
This sorry society we live in and the government who runs our country has made it no. big. deal.
Yes, my just freshly turned 14 yr old boy…has been battling this addiction for nearly 2 years. Along with this, and depression, he’s also been given the diagnoses of ADHD, and Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)
I’ve been mostly quiet about our personal family tragedy, only posting a time or two regarding our struggles. If you’ve been here a while, you may recall my post from the very waiting room of the psychiatric unit just over one year ago, when he hit an all time low and attempted to take his very own life. I shared a little more about it a few months later at the M.O.B Society.
For the sake of sanity, or space, but more likely sanity; I’m going to stick to the most recent months. At the end of this summer, we discovered that he had relapsed into his drug habit. (after having been free for 11 months)
We embraced it again, thinking that we were doing what we could. In moments of despair we would even look into boarding schools, only to be led to despair that we could not afford even the least expensive of these.
and for the last 6 months, I have been pretending that it was going to get better on it’s own. Each day, a day of it’s own…some good, some fair, and some literally like a living hell. And at each moment when I feel as if I can not carry on one.more.day….He sustains me.
Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me.
But everything is different now.
Something struck inside this mother.
Survival for each day, Survival for our sons life.
to be continued….