When I am weak, they are weaker. When I am strong, they are stronger strong willed. When I am sad, they are saddened, when I have joy, they are joyful, and when I am at peace, they are peaceful (well…as peaceful as 5 boys can be)
In everyday moments my boys teach me without even knowing it. With my every mood (and I have many) my boys often shift accordingly. Unfortunately I often….(like TOO often), don’t realize the opportunity I’ve missed until it’s too late.
If I’m having an anxious type of day, and everything is “getting to me” the boys will quickly pick up on that and become more “needy”
If I am depressed one day, it almost always reflects upon one or more of the boys….
For example; I recently came home after a very long and tiring day at work….it emotionally and physically drained me (even more than most days) The 15 was grouching at me (which is kinda his norm) but I still tried to stay and hang out with the family. After a while it just became too much, and it was literally taking everything in me to “stay strong” and so I went to bed. (after all, it WAS 11 o’clock at night, so it was fairly appropriate to go to bed) No sooner did I just about fall asleep, I had a husband and 2 boys in there; lights on, conversation going, wild things jumping, and on and on and on…..
The 9 year old was already a little grumpy, telling us he felt sad, and it was my fault because I wouldn’t read to him. I struggled with the rationale that it WAS midnight at this point, I was tired, I didn’t know where my glasses were, excuse, excuse, excuse…. Would it really have harmed me to read; even for 5 minutes? I probably could have even read something to help pull us both out of our “funk”
Instead, it continued to be about me. And the ruckus continued….so I got up, ran outside and locked myself in the camper. (Yes…I really did that!) I slept there all night!! Although it felt good for the moment, when I returned in the morning, my husband informed me that the 9 yr old said that mommy hated him….
(insert visual; rip my heart out and stomp on it)
I’m really not sure how much of that statement was clever 9 yr old manipulation, reality, or stemming from his own exhaustion…but none the less…it crushed me!
Lesson for today:
Stop being such a baby….if I’m weak I need to hand it to my Father in heaven, and ask Him for strength so that I may parent these boys He gave me in a way that glorifies Him! Ok, maybe calling myself a baby is a little over the top…..but really; as the Bigger person, I do need to recognize when I’m at a weak point, and rise above it, so that I may reflect love and grace upon my boys!
What lesson has your boys (or children) taught you recently?