So, back in March I was offered the “opportunity” to leave my full time job (which was also the sole income for our home of seven).
This has been a long time vision of mine. Something I truly feel that God is calling me to. Has been calling me to for years!
and well…..Without an exit from employment like the one He gave me, I likely would have never left.
So finally….I am a stay at home mom, working on my thirty-one business (to help generate “some” income) and pursue His calling in my life to become a writer and a speaker.
I should have SO much free time….right?
Honestly, I feel more behind, and less productive with everything than I did when I was working.
I had so many things on my “Homemaker List”
plant a garden
can produce from said garden
keep a well kept home
create a Christ like atmosphere in our home
wear an apron and cook many meals
study my Bible every day
become involved in some ministries at church
begin pursuing my writing /speaking
I look NOTHING like the mother portrayed above and well…
Truth be told….I am failing at every.single.one of these tasks above.
My house is a hot mess, the garden never got planted, I’m lucky to cook 4 dinners a week. We won’t even talk about breakfast and lunch…..
I am involved in only one ministry at church, and truthfully I’m not even really doing much there, and I’m not really doing a good job.
To pursue my writing / speaking….well, I constructed a letter, had my pastor read over it, and offer some counsel, and that is really as far as I have went.
Look in the archives, I’ve hardly even written here.
I will say that only in the recent last couple weeks, I have been better about reading my Bible, and studying Gods word in that wonderful Proverbs 31 study I mentioned before. But like I said there, the more I try the more vulnerable I become….or something all twisted like that.
and I’m pretty sure at this point, my husband may attest to my failures….
This isn’t really what I had in mind when I tag lined this ministry “embracing the chaos”
Something has to change. What am I doing wrong?
I want to garden. I want to prepare meals daily. I want to be a calm and loving wife and mother. I want to minister to others in the church, and most of all I want to be closer to my God!
And honestly if I managed my time better, I probably could succeed at some of these things.
But there is no “drive” When I seek out to do something, I become overwhelmed, lose motivation, and fail. Over and over and over again…
and frankly, I’m getting really tired of being tired….
Have you been able to make a transition from working mom / to stay at home mom?
Which direction to go? Which things to knock off the list?
Do any of you have some words of wisdom to share?